{ First comes marriage, then comes healthy relationships? }

The Journalista Chronicle is back to blogging, barring any other further trips to the hospital like last night. Let’s just say that a horrible migraine, throwing up on the side of the freeway, a trip to the ER in tim-buck-two Tulare, CA, waiting two hours for my turn to see the doctor, a pain killer “shot in the buns” as our 3-year-old says, and driving 5 hours in the car back to LA with 3 kids, is not my idea of a fun New Year’s day, if you get my drift. But good news, my migraine is gone, I slept until three o’clock today, and I now have time to stay up late and write a new post for my blog!!!!

I hope you all had a happy and safe New Year’s! Let’s continue the the fight for traditional marriage in 2009!

“Some believe gay people should focus on relationships before marriage rights”

Some think that gays are putting the cart before the horse when it comes to marriage.

Some think that gays are putting the cart before the horse when it comes to marriage.

I found this article about how unhealthy gay relationships and civil unions  are, and about how they should really work on that before they worry about getting married. Kind of interesting coming from what I can tell to be a pro-gay website, but yeah, great, I’m all for them not worrying about getting married. . . less work for me and my family and friends.  Well, if you are a regular reader of my blog, then you know that I am pro traditional marriage all the way. I’m anti gay-marriage and with that would also come anti gay relationships. I think that the entire situation is detrimental to children, families and our society as a whole, regardless of the form gay associations take. Despite the topic of this article, it makes some great points that I thought I would share with my readers. Take note if you’re still on the fence about gay marriage. . . unhealthy is just the tip of the iceberg.

Here are some key points from the article. You can read the entire piece here.

Ideal heterosexual relationships typically involve some period of courtship, followed by an introduction to friends and family, and eventually the possibility of marriage. An enduring lack of acceptance, safety and rights has denied such rites to many gay and lesbian couples, creating different stages to same-sex relationships.

For Shawne Bowman, his relationships with other men usually begin with flirting, followed shortly by sex and then separation. Bowman believes his more serious relationships follow a course stereotypically attributed to lesbians: date a couple of days, rent a U-haul, then eventually break up.

Sounds like “shack-up city” to me. It doesn’t work for heterosexual couples, and it definitely doesn’t work for homosexual couples either. Bowman goes on to point out that there isn’t much of a dating process in the gay community, however, he would like to see one though.

. . . gay and lesbian people continue to grapple with the difficulty and nuances of developing healthy same-sex relationships.

“It’s very vogue to be for gay marriage, and it’s sort of a no-brainer to be for it, but, honestly, it’s not something I ever think about for my life,” said Matthew Knight, 46. “It doesn’t seem to be what a lot of people are thinking about. I’m sure it’s important for some people, but not many people I know are thinking marriage when they meet a new guy.”

So let’s think about this for a sec. Kind of sounds like the majority of gay rights marriage activists aren’t even gay. I know this is a gross generalization, but it’s true, not many gay people actually want to get married, sounds like the dating debacle is tough enough. This gentleman points to the bandwagon theory to explain why people are rooting for gay marriage. It’s the “in” thing to do.

Domestic partnerships were all the rage at the turn of the century, and Bowman entered into such a union with the man he thought would be his life partner in 2000 – seven months after the couple met and six months after they moved in together.

“We primarily moved ahead in that process for shared benefits — both of our jobs offered domestic partnership benefits and we both wanted to share the benefits of our careers with each other.”

But less than a year after their relationship was formalized, Bowman filed to nullify the domestic partnership.

Bowman goes on to explain that they did not build a foundation for their relationship. They went from “step zero to step three.” They met and  within a month we were cohabiting, within another seven months they went to the notary and got a domestic partnership.” I had no idea that a notary is all it takes for a domestic partnership.

With legal recognition of same-sex couples growing, some people fear that more gay men and lesbians will enter into “shotgun” unions before doing the necessary groundwork to make their relationship last. And some critics believe the gay rights movement itself may be playing shotgun politics — shooting for same-sex marriage before promoting healthy, enduring same-sex relationships.

I don’t think that healthy gay relationships will ever make gay marriage ok, but if it gets them to step back and take a look at their lifestyles and decisions and the impact of homosexuality on society, then that’s a good idea.

“It seems the furor over the right to marry has the cart before the horse,” Rev. Rick Elliott, author of “Faith Journeys of the Heart,” recently wrote on The Bilerico Project, a gay blog. “More basic than a right to marry is the willingness and ability to sustain a relationship in the first place.”

In addition the the immorality factor, there are many other huge huge problems with homosexuality, such as the promiscuity, STD’s, lack of commitment within the relationship, and the lack of an ability to have a healthy relationship. With all of the trouble homosexuals have in sustaining relationships, the author then explores the question, “Would Marriage Help?”

Well, apparently there is a problem of where homosexuals can even meet other homosexuals outside of a bar setting. (Well, if you’re following the marriage saga, then you should be aware that eHarmony.com is creating a special place for gays to meet online, courtesy of a 3-year law suit they found themselves in for discrimination against gays. Gay Rights Activists Infultrate eHarmony.com. The Journalista Chronicle Nov. 19th 2008 ).

As discriminatory as same-sex marriage bans are, the hard truth is that legalized gay marriage won’t be a magic wand that makes same-sex relationships more successful.

“I don’t think I have ever heard a couple, from the thousands of couples that I’ve worked with, come into a counseling session and zero-in on the legality of same-sex marriage [as the source of their problems],” O’Mara said.

I find it absolutely incredible that unwed gay couples are going to counseling. Wow. . . I’m speechless on this one. Readers care to comment?

There is the problem of infidelity within gay relationships and civil unions.

Brian James agreed that Georgia’s same-sex marriage ban is not currently disenfranchising his relationships. “I don’t think gay marriage would help me at all if it were legal,” said James, 21. “It’s the boys that are my problem – everybody just wants sex or the next-best-thing. I would be scared to marry a man right now because marriage isn’t going to stop him from going online and doing what he wants to do.”

The central role of the internet in gay dating also makes it difficult to establish meaningful romantic relationships, Bowman said. “The internet has given sort of an instant gratification that has taken away some of the social and building aspects [of a relationship] that allow it to progress to something long-term,” Bowman said.

So, some gay people wanted to sue eHarmony.com, but really it is just exacerbating their dating woes. Having an all-gay-all-the-time dating site will not ensure meaningful, faithful relationships. Sorry folks. So if gay’s can’t find meaningful relationships, then they ought not be worried about marriage.

“I do think it is too small of a targeted issue that doesn’t affect the masses,” said Bowman, who added that gay organizations should focus more on anti-discrimination and hate crimes laws. “Those impact more people in the gay community than the issue of gay marriage.”

I agree with Bowman here. Gay’s shouldn’t be discriminated against, (although I don’t believe that defining marriage as only between a man and a woman is discrimination). I also agree that they should focus on more productive issues. He makes a great point about how many gay people the marriage issue does NOT impact. I don’t however agree with this statement,

Societal opposition to same-sex unions means many gay men and lesbians have to clear “the huge hurdle of is it OK for me to pursue even dating someone of the same sex,” O’Mara said. “If we had the legal right to marry, there would be more societal confidence in the validity and visibility of our relationships,” said O’Mara, who added that securing same-sex marriage is about “the right to fail or succeed in relationships.”

I think that this attitude is so typical of groups and individuals who don’t get what they want, and want to blame everyone else for their problems. This article is saying, ” If we had marriage, then I could have a healthy and happy relationship.” Marriage is not the answer to the problems in the gay community. If you want to date someone, date someone. That would be like a sweet girl saying that, “well I am in love with my soldier guy, but we can’t be together because he has to go to war soon. If the US Army was disbanded, then I could date and be with my love!” These things are not mutually exclusive. Often times one has to make a decisions about life and relationships regardless of external factors. I for one don’t feel any pressure to change my position on gay marriage, just because this O’Mara lady says gays would feel more comfortable dating if I did.

I believe that everyone has their free agency and can make their own choices in life. But if you choose to be gay and choose to date within that community, don’t blame the reason you don’t have committed, successful relationships on the fact that you can’t marry.

Source: SouthernVoice.com

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6 thoughts on “{ First comes marriage, then comes healthy relationships? }

  1. I liked your commentary that you wrote.

    From what I understand heterosexual relationships have a better chance of lasting when the couple saves sex until marriage. Men especially are able to focus on getting to know their future wife through lots of talking and hanging out with each other. If sex is introduced too early in the relationship, men switch off and spend their time focusing on the physical aspect of the relationship rather than the emotion getting to know each other part.

    If people who have a same sex attraction take part in homosexual sex too soon this might account for why many of their relationships go bust so quickly. I suspect that many are only interested in self please and sex and not really interested in a relationship.

    As you mentioned in your article only a small portion of this community are interested in marriage.

  2. I wasn’t surprised to find that only a small portion of gays are actually interested in marriage. I figured that, just because it seems like a lot of the “activists” are actually straight people, but it was nice to see that position also being taken by a “couples counselor to the gays.” Dr. Laura always talks about “shaking-up” before marriage (referring to heterosexual couples) and that the divorce rate is higher. She mentions that couples who shack-up have a harder time making the transition from that, to a committed and unified marriage. They are still in the together but separate mind-set, rather then being totally committed and together in everything. Thanks for reading and commenting Secular!!!

  3. Convenient of you to overlook one of the major hinderances to healthy gay relationships: “An enduring lack of acceptance, safety and rights has denied such rites to many gay and lesbian couples, creating different stages to same-sex relationships.”

    For generations, gay men were prohibited from pursuing meaningful, long-lasting relationships, largely thanks to the work of “me and my family and friends.” Congratulations. You’ve made the world a less loving, more hateful place. Is that what Christ did?

  4. News Junkie– The problems in gay relationships have NOTHING to do with gays not being allowed to marry. No, I haven’t made the world a less loving more hateful place. I am only standing up for my belief in traditional marriage, which is my RIGHT. I’m fairly young, so I don’t have anything to do with what people did “generations ago.” Perhaps gay men were prohibited from “pursuing meaningful, long-lasting relationships,” because they are behaving in a manner that society wishes not to associate with. If gays can parade naked and practically having sex in the street, I think I can post my opinions on MY personal blog. But thanks for reading. If you want to know what Christ thinks about the subject, you can research the topic at lds.org.

    ~Journalista

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